its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
