Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
