Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
