I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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