and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
