Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
