dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
