he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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