genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
