I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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