sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
