Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Come share oat with me in your robe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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