She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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