It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
