What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
