Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
