i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
