Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
