Duck Duck Cougar?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
