Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
