The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He better not be in your backpack
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Shame - the story of my life.
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