We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
