I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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