connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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