I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
