My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
