By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
