I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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