Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
