I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
