where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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