Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
