Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
