I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
