if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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