Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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