I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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