At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
