i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
