And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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