I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He kissed a someone with a penis
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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