She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
