my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
