Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
