i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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