I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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