his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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