did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
