They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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