Quick, to the slutcave!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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