I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
